At 5 years old, I wanted to be a teacher. At 10, a veterinarian. At 15, a writer. At 20, a PR professional. Clearly, my “dream job” has changed a lot since I was a kid. It’s natural. It’s expected. But for some reason, once we reach a certain age, change suddenly feels scary, as if we’ve committed to one dream, one path, one idea of ourselves, and it’s too late to try something new.
But GIRL, let me tell you this — it’s NEVER too late to change.
I’ve been single pretty much my whole life (except for a brief three months last summer). So when it comes to talking about being you’re single… I’m practically an expert on the subject.
FACT: This was my 22nd Valentine’s Day, and I’ve still never actually celebrated it with a significant other. Needless to say, it’s easy to feel bitter, or even… ashamed.
For a long time, I was embarrassed because I’d been single MY WHOLE LIFE. Something must be wrong with me, right? There must be a reason no one likes me. Everyone else is falling in love and getting married and I’m alone, just as I’ve always been.
I thought for sure the solution was to date someone. That would solve all my internal struggles!
Plot twist that I’m sure NONE of you saw coming — it didn’t help. Even after having a relationship under my belt, I still had the same lingering feelings of inadequacy and shame and worry. Suddenly, here I am. Single… AGAIN.
It can be difficult. Sometimes I feel like the ONLY one left without a date. I find myself scrolling through Instagram and seeing an endless stream of cute couple posts. Through it all, I sit on the outside and watch as everyone celebrates something I don’t quite fit into. Even if I’m not looking for a relationship, it hurts feeling left out.
But GIRL, trust me when I say that if you can relate, you are not alone. There are SO many other people out there who have never dated and feel like they’re falling behind. In fact, during our latest workplace event at WebFX, a guest shared the lie she’s trashing: that she needs a relationship to feel complete. Remember that there is no timeline for living life and falling in love. It happens differently for everyone, and your day will come if that’s what you want.
There is NOTHING wrong with you.
Remember that your value does NOT change with your relationship status. Being in a relationship is not “better” than being single. Just different. And it’s also not everyone’s ultimate goal. For some people, they don’t want a relationship, and that’s EQUALLY as exciting!
If that’s you, then find a way to celebrate yourself and the relationships you HAVE built. Maybe that’s the relationships you have with your friends, your family, your pets, your plants, or yourself. All of these are valuable and deserve to be celebrated (yes, even the plants). Eat your favorite food, dance to your favorite song, wear your favorite outfit, and remember that you are WHOLE and VALUABLE and SUCCESSFUL all on your own!
There is NO shame in being single. There is no right and wrong way to celebrate the people you love.
If you’re looking to grow your circle, check out our Confidence Coaching COMMUNITY where like-minded women come together for connection, inspiration, and dream-achieving resources!
who is the author, April?
April Hooper is a public relations student at Messiah University, minoring in marketing and gender studies. She always has a coffee in hand and is rocking a thrifted outfit with handmade accessories. When she graduates, she dreams of living abroad, owning as many cats as possible, and writing for a living.
We’re halfway through March…when did that happen? & YES there are things we wanted to cross off the 2022 list that we just…well, haven’t come close to touching yet. And if I’m honest (for both you & me) it’s because we haven’t had the time, the energy, or the plan to GET👏🏻IT👏🏻DONE👏🏻
And GIRL though I’m a firm believer in working hard for the dream, let me tell you WHY I believe taking some time to take your time is the most transformative move, setting you up for success throughout the rest of 2022 & BEYOND!
5 Steps to Live Your Best Life Throughout the Remainder of 2022 & BEYOND!
1. Don’t just do it to do it.
Stop rushing through items this week *just* to cross them off your list and say they are complete. Let’s be honest. Are you really giving it your best effort if it’s rushed? And WHY are you rushing it in the first place. If it is something that’s not time sensitive, I challenge you to WAIT and focus.
2. Dream about what’s next.
GIRL we are SO distracted. YES by media, but also by the details of our work and life too. In fact, we’re often so deep in the details that we don’t have the time or energy to dream & plan what’s next! THIS is where I really believe YOU & I have an opportunity to transform the year ahead.
I want to challenge you, even if it’s for 15 minutes, take time this week to sit, walk, or drive in silence and REALLY dream. Let your mind be creative and wonder. THINK BIG here, don’t think about your daily to dos. And then…
3. Write it down
Take a step back and Braindump EVERYTHING you thought about in silence. It doesn’t have to be pretty, simply get it on paper.
4. Organize It
After it’s written down, reflect on it and organize it into your days. GIRL I know your schedule is already full. But even if you need to break it down into the *smallest* steps (that’s what I personally do and recommend it) add it to your schedule. If it’s what you REALLY dream it’s worth one extra small step each day right? So map it in to your 2022 & MAKE THE PLAN before…
5. Tying up loose ends.
Tie up loose ends this week that set up that plan for success in the days & weeks to follow. We all have THAT box or two consistently moving to the bottom of our to-do list and GIRL it’s time to FINALLY cross it off! Free your mind of the little things clouding it. The pattern of pushing it back again and again is ultimately stealing your creativity, plus it feels AMAZING to officially check that box!
GIRL I know it may sound simple or maybe it feels like a lot to add to your already busy day. But I promise taking this time for YOU will set you up for so much more growth throughout the rest of 2022 and beyond!
If you’re looking for someone to hold you accountable to your plan or (better yet) help you create it, considering joining Ditch the Clique’s 1:1 confidence coaching community! Here, I’ll support you defining and mapping out your BIG dream while supporting you with resources like accountability (& more) to make it reality!
who is Rachel?
Rachel K. Grim is the Brooklyn New York based blogger, speaker, and empowerHER behind the event series and online community Ditch the Clique. In 2019 Rachel launched Ditch the Clique to empower REAL women of all ages, races, sizes, and careers with goal-getting resources to live the life they dream! When she’s not scheming new ways to grow the Ditch the Clique COMMUNITY, Rachel can be found eating and shopping her way through New York City, traveling abroad, or watching binge-worthy reality television (with a glass of prosecco in hand, of course)!