It’s funny the things we realize as we get older….
Things like money doesn’t grow on trees, who you surround yourself with REALLY does matter, actions have consequences, and people really are doing the best with what they have.
Over the past week I prepared to vacation with my mom for the first time since middle school (yes you read that right), and in preparing I REALLY got to thinking about that last one…
People or (in this case) PARENTS are doing the best with what they have.
Now before I continue sharing, I want to preface this blog by saying I can’t go into SUPER detail here because…well…though I’m VERY open on this blog, on Instagram, and at Ditch the Clique events, there are certain things I believe are sacred and not my story to tell. And THIS is one of those stories. But as always, I want to share with you what I can in hopes of making you feel less alone and empowered to rise above and beyond.
GIRL if I’m REALLY honest with YOU (and ME), I held a grudge against my mom for a LONG time. And I’m not sure I’ve ever so explicitly said that until now. But it’s true. For TOO long I blamed failed relationships, emotions, and circumstances on the decisions she made. Hell, even in my early to mid 20’s I simply couldn’t understand why she had made certain decisions. Because honestly, her decisions felt selfish. And perhaps they were…or perhaps she was simply doing what she thought was best with what she had.
As I’m sure you can understand, this way of thinking (that she was simply doing the best she could with the resources she had) wasn’t developed overnight. It took YEARS, tears, and MANY difficult conversations to get to this point. But I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a wake up call moment….
Have you seen Geico’s “you’re becoming your parents” commercial? Well GIRL, the reason that commercial is so comical is because it’s true! And that’s EXACTLY what happened to me. As I was coming to terms with things, I quickly realized that though I am not a parent, the decisions I was making were almost IDENTICAL to those I resented my mom for in the past. And THAT cut deep….
Now hear me out…
I am a FIRM believer in the fact that I am my own person. YOU are your own person. WE are not our parents or our parents decisions. Our life and choices are uniquely ours. However, recognizing I was taking these identical steps allowed me to realize she was only ever trying to make the decision she thought was best at the time with the resources she had. But that’s not all. I also realized if I’m willing to so easily process and forgive ME for silly choices I’ve made, I needed to forgive her and forget about it too.
So that’s exactly what I did.
I decided a grudge wasn’t going to repair or solve anything. And realized accepting she too is human, doing the best she can with what she has, could heal and restore our relationship…
Fast forward to today and we just vacationed and celebrated her birthday together (just us two) for the first time in TOO long. And it was EXACTLY everything we both needed. Hell, I even convinced her to let me take her picture in this cute and colorful Figleaves swimmie (let’s just say my love for having my photo taken did not come from her LOL)!
Long story short…
I guess what I’m trying to say is that though it is important to guard yourself from toxic attitudes and relationships, it’s also important to recognize peoples intentions. Because more often than not, they are simply doing the best they can with what they have. And GIRL we all mess up sometimes. So rather than holding a grudge against us or the people we love, let’s live and learn from those moments together.
Happy Birthday to my beautiful, caring, loving mother. I’m so thankful for you, all you’ve done, and will continue to do. Love you always.
Oh & GIRL, I’d love for you to follow along here at A Grim Sense of Style AND Ditch the Clique! Plus, subscribe to my newsletter and follow me on Instagram for more inspiring stories and empowering words!
*this blog post is sponsored by Figleaves & Ann Magnin Inc. All items are also shopable here*